I have a confession to make. I am a clothes hoarder. And I won't stop. And here's why...
I consider myself a "fashion collector" rather than a hoarder because I think true hoarding goes a little deeper than what I experience with clothes and I wouldnt want to belittle what a huge problem true hoarding can become. I believe life is all about joy. I truly feel that everyone spends their time on earth in the pursuit of happiness and I think that makes perfect sense. Life is so hard. Awful things happen around us or to us on a daily basis and without the things that make you happy, how can you get through all of that. Life is about lightness and darkness. There are unavoidable dark moments like death and illness and tragedies and so we strive to create the lightness around us. We choose friends who make us laugh and partners who make our hearts full. We pick work we are passionate about or we pick work that gives us the money to do things we are passionate about. We fill our homes with things that make us smile and our tummies with food that makes us satisfied. And we buy things that make us happy. That's why I buy so many clothes. It's a light in my life and always has been.
As a small child in the lead up to Christmas all of my friends got given an Argos catalogue to circle what they would love Santa to bring them on the big day. My parents gave me the Next catalogue or other clothing catalogues. That's what I asked for, it's what I wanted and I was SO happy every Christmas day to wake up to new clothes! I was incredibly fortunate growing up and I still am, I am aware of that and I dont take it for granted at all. I would spend hours on Christmas doing a fashion show for anyone who would watch, showcasing my new clothes on my imaginary catwalk. Throughout the year if I had a new outfit I would ask my Mum to film me or take photos of me in it because I felt fabulous. My birthday would roll around and again and again every year I asked for clothes. It bought me so much joy. It still does.
I know it might sound shallow to some people but I'm not a shallow person at all. It may seem materialistic but I've never been that way. All of my own cars have been kinda old bangers and I loved them all. I didn't have a phone with internet on it for yearrrsss after everyone I knew had them. I wasn't bothered. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I've never done drugs and I don't gamble. That isn't meant to sound holier than thou, I'm just trying to explain that I have never been fussed about other material things and I have never spent my money on other stuff. Except clothes. I've never gone into debt because of my shopping habits and I always prioritise the essentials, ya know like rent/mortgage, bills, food etc so I really don't see what the harm is but when I tell people I have 4 double wardrobes full of clothes and about 10 large boxes in the loft, they are alarmed and I hear how extreme it is. But heres the thing, I won't stop. I don't want to. I love clothes and I always will.
I have been through a few short phases of oh no I should stop buying clothes, I dont NEED them but now I have fully accepted that this is a part of who I am. I am a fashion collector. I have clothes I've had for 10+ years in mint condition. I have one offs and limited edition pieces. I have clothes my grandparents passed down to me and clothes my parents passed down to me. I have clothes that are sentimental because I wore them for big life events. I have clothes I'm keeping purely to hand down to my kids one day. Any of that might seem weird to you but I dont mind. I treasure the clothes that are older than I am and have stories attached to them and it obviously runs in my family because those people kept those things for decades too.
Heres the thing. I am a very self reflective person. I spend all my time analysing why I do things or am the way I am. I know myself SO well. I think part of this whole clothes thing is that when I like my outfit, I love me. I am very expressive as a person and I like people to get a really good idea of who I am as soon as they see me, I wear my whole self on my sleeve I guess. So it makes sense that I love to express myself through my clothes and that I have a deep connection to the things that dress my body and make me feel the most "ME". Some people love their cars, others change their hair every week and others spend all their money partying. I love clothes. They bring me joy and happiness and make me feel like my true self whilst also reminding me of times passed, the best times, the important times and the times I heard about through my dearest loved ones before I even existed. And when you've lived a life scattered with as much darkness as I have, when you find what brings the light, you cling to it and you multipy it and you spread it around yourself until the dark becomes just a little cloud behind the rainbow that is your journey through life.
So, I will continue to buy and collect clothes. Some will be for a season but most will be for much longer. I won't hold any shame about it and I will continue to do whatever makes me happy. I encourage you to do the same!
Peace & Love xxx