Thursday, 8 January 2015

Looking back, the mountains seem like molehills.



Today I had a very weird moment. The moment came as I dried my arms and legs after a shower. This made the very weird moment even weirder...

Have you ever had someone in your life that just kind of poisons it? Or at least tries to. No? Lucky you! I have. It was a girl I knew when I was younger and I won't go into names or how I knew her but let's just say she made my life hell. Or at least she tried. She tried really hard. Unfortunately for me I have known my fair share of "poisonous people". I have come across almost every breed of bitchy girl and nasty guy. And don't get me wrong I am also surrounded by loving, funny, fabulous people but that might be down to my well-honed skill of weeding people; the good from the bad. And for that I am grateful. I am grateful that after many bad experiences with bad people I have taken away an ability to read (most) people with ease. I am a good judge of character now but I wasn't always.

Back to the girl.

So when I was younger she made me very unhappy. On purpose. Out of spite, out of jealousy...who knows? Who cares? I don't. Not any more anyways. There is no good reason to purposefully make someone that miserable. Whilst this was happening I remember thinking that I would never forgive her and I would never forget it and it would bother me for the rest of time.

 Today was the first time in maybe 10 years that I have even remembered she existed. 

It was weird because it came out of nowhere. I got out of the shower and began to dry my arms and legs with my Egyptian cotton turquoise towel (irrelevant?!) and suddenly thought of her. I honestly cannot put my finger on why. It was so weird and it hit me like a frying pan to the head. I all of a sudden felt like that kid full of woe and rage at this other person who was being so awful to me all the time. And then I laughed. I awkwardly, audibly laughed. I laughed because I realised that I had forgotten she even existed. I realised that in that moment it was the first time in an age that I had thought of her or what I went through. It is funny. It is funny because at the time when you are living through something terrible you really don't see how life will ever move on or get better (a tad dramatic for this case but not so with many of my other life experiences). Back then I was convinced I would be scarred for life. Utterly and completely stuck with thoughts of me still getting upset by her when I was a "grown up". I wouldn't really class myself as a grown up still but I am an adult by law and look at me all not thinking about her and stuff.

Life moved on.

As I said I really don't know what made me think of her as I dabbed my limbs dry but I can't help but be thankful that I did. I am going through an awful lot in my personal life right now and I have been losing sleep over certain things that I was convincing myself I would never get over. But life went on and my mind and my heart both healed after that little troll upset me back then and so maybe she was bought to my thoughts to remind me that I will be okay. It will all be okay. 

I am strong and resilient and so are you.

So I guess this post is to try and help. Help any of my lovely readers who are going through tough times to remember that nothing lasts forever. What seems to be destroying your soul right now will one day cease and desist. Bigger things will of course take longer and will seem harder but life really does move on and as human beings we adapt and grow and things get easier. And sometimes, if we're lucky, painful memories will completely disappear like the mince pies at Christmas.

I don't want to patronise you or anything any of you are going through because believe me if you had told me a few days ago that "life moves on" and "it gets better" I would have thrown something angular at you but I promise when the time comes that you realise how far you've come and how much you have grown you will remember me saying this. I remember all the times someone said it to me now that it's in the past. The mind works in mysterious ways. Your's will come through for you, just give it time. Cry if you need to, scream into pillows, eat pizza (my personal thing) and keep powering through. Keep growing and keep walking because soon you will look back and all those mountains will seem like molehills and you won't even remember how that happened.

Peace & Love xxx

8 comments:

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