Wednesday, 13 June 2018

Transparent...

Hey!


I have a confession to make. I am a clothes hoarder. And I won't stop. And here's why...




I consider myself a "fashion collector" rather than a hoarder because I think true hoarding goes a little deeper than what I experience with clothes and I wouldnt want to belittle what a huge problem true hoarding can become. I believe life is all about joy. I truly feel that everyone spends their time on earth in the pursuit of happiness and I think that makes perfect sense. Life is so hard. Awful things happen around us or to us on a daily basis and without the things that make you happy, how can you get through all of that. Life is about lightness and darkness. There are unavoidable dark moments like death and illness and tragedies and so we strive to create the lightness around us. We choose friends who make us laugh and partners who make our hearts full. We pick work we are passionate about or we pick work that gives us the money to do things we are passionate about. We fill our homes with things that make us smile and our tummies with food that makes us satisfied. And we buy things that make us happy. That's why I buy so many clothes. It's a light in my life and always has been.




As a small child in the lead up to Christmas all of my friends got given an Argos catalogue to circle what they would love Santa to bring them on the big day. My parents gave me the Next catalogue or other clothing catalogues. That's what I asked for, it's what I wanted and I was SO happy every Christmas day to wake up to new clothes! I was incredibly fortunate growing up and I still am, I am aware of that and I dont take it for granted at all. I would spend hours on Christmas doing a fashion show for anyone who would watch, showcasing my new clothes on my imaginary catwalk. Throughout the year if I had a new outfit I would ask my Mum to film me or take photos of me in it because I felt fabulous. My birthday would roll around and again and again every year I asked for clothes. It bought me so much joy. It still does.



I know it might sound shallow to some people but I'm not a shallow person at all. It may seem materialistic but I've never been that way. All of my own cars have been kinda old bangers and I loved them all. I didn't have a phone with internet on it for yearrrsss after everyone I knew had them. I wasn't bothered. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I've never done drugs and I don't gamble. That isn't meant to sound holier than thou, I'm just trying to explain that I have never been fussed about other material things and I have never spent my money on other stuff. Except clothes. I've never gone into debt because of my shopping habits and I always prioritise the essentials, ya know like rent/mortgage, bills, food etc so I really don't see what the harm is but when I tell people I have 4 double wardrobes full of clothes and about 10 large boxes in the loft, they are alarmed and I hear how extreme it is. But heres the thing, I won't stop. I don't want to. I love clothes and I always will.




I have been through a few short phases of oh no I should stop buying clothes, I dont NEED them but now I have fully accepted that this is a part of who I am. I am a fashion collector. I have clothes I've had for 10+ years in mint condition. I have one offs and limited edition pieces. I have clothes my grandparents passed down to me and clothes my parents passed down to me. I have clothes that are sentimental because I wore them for big life events. I have clothes I'm keeping purely to hand down to my kids one day. Any of that might seem weird to you but I dont mind. I treasure the clothes that are older than I am and have stories attached to them and it obviously runs in my family because those people kept those things for decades too. 




Heres the thing. I am a very self reflective person. I spend all my time analysing why I do things or am the way I am. I know myself SO well. I think part of this whole clothes thing is that when I like my outfit, I love me. I am very expressive as a person and I like people to get a really good idea of who I am as soon as they see me, I wear my whole self on my sleeve I guess. So it makes sense that I love to express myself through my clothes and that I have a deep connection to the things that dress my body and make me feel the most "ME". Some people love their cars, others change their hair every week and others spend all their money partying. I love clothes. They bring me joy and happiness and make me feel like my true self whilst also reminding me of times passed, the best times, the important times and the times I heard about through my dearest loved ones before I even existed. And when you've lived a life scattered with as much darkness as I have, when you find what brings the light, you cling to it and you multipy it and you spread it around yourself until the dark becomes just a little cloud behind the rainbow that is your journey through life.

So, I will continue to buy and collect clothes. Some will be for a season but most will be for much longer. I won't hold any shame about it and I will continue to do whatever makes me happy. I encourage you to do the same!

Peace & Love xxx

Monday, 4 June 2018

Bubblegum...

Hey!







At the start of the year I vowed to make some changes on my blog. Amongst those changes were the ideas that I would post more casual outfits on here and also that I would show an item of clothing more than once if thats what I truly wanted to do because, well, thats real life. I don't wear things once and then throw them out! So here is a top you've seen before, boots you have seen before and a beret and sunglasses that you've seen before but a totally new look that I have been wearing so bloody often!







I could talk about this cardigan until the cows come home! I've featured it in my May Favourites video (that you can watch here). I raved about it in what I got for my Birthday and now I am dedicating a whole blog post to it, why? Because I am in love with this cardigan. I love the fabric, the way it moves, the way it feels. I love the colour...its actually my dream pink! I love the way it fits and how it is perfect for this time of year in the UK coz ya know, one minute you're freezing cold and the next you're sweating ya tits off and it's perfect for that because it's holey! It's some kinda open stitch knit thing...I duno I'm not a...fabric expert??? Is that a thing?!





Most of all I love the way this cardigan makes me feel when I wear it. It suits my personality. Fun with a hint of crazy. Glam with a, little more than?, hint of tacky. It stands out in a sea of neutral toned longline straight up and down cardigans. What more could I want?!





And it's clear that, at least for now, my love affair with black and pink is still going strong. Which is funny because it used to be a colour combo that repulsed me. And yet, here I am. What's black and white and pink all over? Me, apparently!




SO WHERE IS THIS MAGICAL CARDIGAN FROM?! I hear you cry! Well, Missguided. I own like less than 5 things from there but I may just double that number by buying back ups of this cardigan! The rest of the outfit is....shocker...Lazyoaf and Asos. Nothing new there. 
Beret- Lazyoaf
Glasses- ASOS
Top- Lazyoaf
Skirt- ASOS
Boots- Lazyoaf 
Cardigan- Missguided.






What's so wrong with repeating outfits anyway? Like where did that come from? If you've found a look you love and feel great in, baby you wear that every day if you want to! I mean, maybe wash it once in a while but you catch my drift! And if a particular colour combo is quenching your thirst right now, go with it. I am! I am embracing that which I used to loathe and accepting that maybe it reflects how my life has been recently, an even mix of fun and serious tingz. Yes I just wrote tingz. Yes it ended with a Z. I'm in a weird mood and it's midnight ok allow me.




I hope anyone reading this leaves with the encouragment they need right now to wear what makes them happy and what makes them feel good even if that means repeating items or whole looks. And go with the flow! Follow your instincts, if you are drawn to a colour or colours right now then maybe that is for a reason. After all, colours can seriously enhance or change our moods!


Fashion should be about gut instincts and being playful, having fun and doing what YOU want. Not what society wants from us. I mean, shit, look at me. I'm a fat girl wearing horizontal stripes, bold block colours, bulky fabrics, a short skirt, a tight top, chunky boots and bare legs. I couldn't be breaking any more of these bullshit fashion "rules". But IDGAF! Who made the rules anyway?

"I don't care what you think about me, I don't think about you at all"
- Coco Chanel 

Peace & Love darlings xxx

Saturday, 26 May 2018

Disabled...

Hey,


I got tagged to do the "Disabled Blogger Tag" by the lovely Lucy recently and I really wanted to do it for a couple reasons. Firstly, I love doing tags on my Youtube channel so why not do them here on the blog too :) and secondly, I want to start being more honest and transparent about how my illnesses affect my day to day life. So here goes...

1. When and why did you start your blog?

I actually started my blog way back in 2012 as part of a University project where we had to submit an online piece of work. I chose to make a blog about the performances I was working on back then and also about the outfits I wore because everyone always told me to share my lewkks with the world in some way :') I haven't really ever been a very consistent blogger though because of my health but also because of things happening in my private life. But, I am trying to be more consistent now!

2. Did you intend to talk about your disability online from the beginning?

No is the short answer. The long answer though is that I wasn't disabled from the beginning. I became seriously ill in 2015 and deteriorated for the next couple years until I am where I am now. And actually this raises some feelings in me because I still find it really hard to label myself as disabled. For no other reason than that I am only a part time wheelchair user with (mostly) invisible illnesses and so I don't feel like I "qualify" or am "disabled enough" to call myself it. Also, I know no one around me in real life thinks of me that way and so I feel awkward as if they might confront me like hey you're not disabled. Fact is though that I am less able because of my health issues. I do use a wheelchair. I do use aids to get me through life now. It's complicated but no, at the start I was in perfect health and not disabled at all.

3. Have you ever been sceptical about talking about your disability online?

Absolutely. Which is why I haven't spoken about it as much as I would like to. I think it's mainly out of fear that people who know me in real life, but don't ever see me fully because I won't be vulnerable around just anyone, will judge or say things to me about me not being disabled in their eyes. I think that comes from fear, they don't want to admit to themselves that my life is this way now. For example, I have posted photos of me in a wheelchair, I make videos about living with SLE and how bad it has been and yet people I used to know will message me like "are you better now?" or we'll chat and I'll say what my life is like and I'll get a "just stay positive, walk it off" type response. It all puts me off tbh. But I REALLY want to talk about it more!

4. What kind of response have you/do you recieve in terms of your disability related blog posts?

I haven't done that many (yet!) as my blog has always been more about fashion but I get a real mixed bag. I get told I am an inspiration alot which is nice. Depending on the way it is said and who is saying it, sometimes I don't know how to feel about those responses but other times i take a second like yeah I am! I've been through hell and I'm still here being fabulous haha! I get alot of questions. Lupus is still a really unknown and misunderstood disease so I understand that but again, wording and phrasing is key! I also am lucky enough to get responses saying I have helped someone. Those are the ones that stay with me because that's all I ever really want to do. 

5. Do you write/talk about other topics apart from your disability?

Yasssss hunty! Like I said previously, I have only been disabled for a short time so my blog was alive for many years before I became ill. I do fashion stuff, beauty stuff, travel, lifestyle, product reviews, hauls, fun tags and challenges, all sorts!

6. What steps do you take to make your blog accessible to yourself as well as other people?

This is something I need to educate myself on! I do make my pictures as large and as clear as possible and I think my blog is pretty simple and easy to navigate. I try to break my writing up in between photos usually so it is easier to read than one huge page full. Any tips on what I can do to improve though would be more than welcome!

7. What is your favourite thing about blogging about your disability?

It is a tie between the fact that I find it so theraputic. I think it is so good for me to have this outlet where I can express what I am going through and actually get it out of my head and into words. But also it has helped me to connect with so many people who are experiencing the same or similar things who I may not have ever found if i wasnt blogging and that is amazing. Some of the disabled bloggers I follow truly help me through things. They explain exactly how I am feeling in a simple tweet and I instantly feel understood and not alone. That is amazing!

8. What are your top three disability related blog posts that you've ever published?

The best is yet to come. Honestly, I have some posts planned that will be my best yet and far more open and clear than the ones I have written previously because I have a deeper understanding of my disability now and I am also far more accepting of it than I have ever been. So keep your eyes peeled :)

9. Do you think that the disabled blogger/Youtube community is overlooked?

100% 
It is so upsetting but I literally never see disabled influencers invited to press events or trips, I never see them in campaigns or even getting featured or reposted by brands. We have come a long way when it comes to diversity but oh boy do we have a long way to go!!!

10. Do you find it difficult to think of new disability related content to publish?

Yes and no. I have alot of ideas but I hold myself back from publishing them because of that whole inner battle I have about not being "disabled enough". I know that doesn't make sense because who's to judge what "disabled enough" even is but it really holds me back. I don't want it to anymore though!

11. Who do you tag?

I'm sorry if you have been tagged already but you are my faves lol. I tag Shona , Sarah , Elsie and Coffee Spoonie You are all amazing and have helped me more than you know!


Peace & Love xxx

Monday, 21 May 2018

Boots...

Hey Lovelies!

Let's talk about my new fave boots...




































Aren't they beautiful?! They are from the Dr Marten x Lazyoaf collab and I am in so in love I cant even explain it! They were pricey but are such good quality and are such a beautiful shade of pink that I think they are worth it!

They are the comfiest Dr Martens I've ever tried on, like actually wearable for a long time on your first try! The heart buckles are such a lovely touch and I'm kicking myself now because I forgot to photograph the back of them! There is a little black heart on the back of them...so cute!

I put them together with this new Lazyoaf dress and beret and I felt like walking bubblegum and it was wonderful!

Peace & Love ya'll xxx