I've had a bit of a weird few weeks and tbh im kinda getting fed up of hearing myself say its been weird or sad or rough. So, in the spirit of moving on and keeping deliberately positive that is all im guna say on that for now but if you do want more info follow me on twitter and instagram @jessica_chelsey where I update you guys daily.
I feel like i have a million things I wana chat with you all about but i cant put any of it into words ya know?! My mind has just been constantly racing this week. In a really good way actually, Ive been really proactive and productive and I've made myself so proud with everything I've done but i guess its all running away with me a bit. I've got so many ideas and so many things I'm excited to do or to share with you that I actually can't get my mind to hone in on one subject.
So, I wana hear from you guys! What would you love me to write about? What topics would you like my advice on or my opinion on? I figure the only way I can really give you all exactly what you want from my content is just to be straight up and ask!
You see, this was never meant to be a blog post :') I shot this outfit for my Valentines Day Lookbook that is going on my youtube channel tomorrow and we ended up taking some snaps whilst we were at it and then because I had no video on Friday like I usually do, I figured my lovelies deserve something as a lil bonus. So this post was born! Perfect really in that I said this year I want to share some more casual outfits and also just be more relaxed and spontaneous with my blog content! I hope you like it! If you aren't already, please subscribe to my youtube channel here :) You're guna LOVE this lookbook, its totes adorbs!
I love this whole outfit! I got the beret for Christmas from my parents and it comes with a snuggly matching snood. I got the beautiful necklace for Christmas from my boyf along with another 3 necklaces from the lovely I Love Crafty. The boots I bought myself for our Disneyland Paris trip but didnt wear them in in time....oopsy...and also...ouch! And the dress, cardigan and bag were all at the last Lazyoaf sample sale and I didnt even clock how perfectly matched they were until I got home and emptied the bags onto my bed and i was like uhhhhhh purple outfit of DREAMSSS!
The cardigan is one of the warmest i own and i wore this whole outfit to my brothers birthday shindig not that long ago. I just feel good in it. It's comfy and warm but still super cute. Purple is my brothers favourite colour.
I knew I wanted to shoot this look to share with you all but I hadnt planned what to write with it. I think I wana talk about a few things I have realised very recently, in the hopes that maybe it will help someone reading!
I feel a change coming. Not really coming actually kinda already happening. I feel like something big is guna happen soon...in the best way. But with that has come this overwhelming instinct that in order for this amazing big thing to come my way, I need to prepare for it first. I can't explain it but my god have i felt it the last few weeks!
I have alot of experience with loss and grief, which is a sad thing to admit and i think i need a whole post dedicated to that tbh but something has changed in me. Recently, I have realised that there is no "when" in life. You can't plan based on when something will happen or when something will stop happening. For me, I see now that loss and grief might continue to be a regular thing I have to deal with for the rest of my life. I have lost someone i love every few months for the last 7 years now and sadly, that is not an exaggeration. I keep thinking, when im past this or over that or okay with this or dealing better with that. But then something else happens and I realise "when" might not ever come. And so I have to make a choice. I have to actively choose to be ok. To be deliberately positive and optimistic. To deal with my grief but also be ok with letting things go. I have to in order to move forward in life otherwise I would want to disappear into a dark hole forever. It's hard. Really difficult. But ultimately, worth the work!
So, I'm not waiting around anymore. I dont want my life to pass me by in a haze of sad events after sad events. So I'm ceasing the moment. I'm writing lists and getting stuff done. I'm holding myself and only myself responsible for my happiness. And you know what?! It's working! I've been more proactive and productive, more assertive and creative. I even went out and shot these photos all on my own which was A) a logistical nightmare! I literally had to take out a box bag full of other bags and place it where i would stand, focus my camera on it then run to that spot, kick the box bag out of the shot then pose :') LOL #blogginglife and B) I hate doing it because of people. I hate people. People stare. People take photos or video you. People shout things and just stop what they are doing to watch. I had 2 seperate men kerb crawl and a group of teenage boys on bikes shout at me to take photos of my vagina. Lovely. But! I did it! And for doing it I felt (knackered) proud of myself and like I had accomplished something great all by myself. Which isnt easy when you're living with Lupus.
I'm excited to try new things again. Looking forward to Summer. Wanting to be busy. I've missed these feelings. They're here now though and I think they're preparing me for this big change. Honestly I do. So I'm listening. I'm doing things I love, looking after myself, working hard. Getting my ducks in order. It's all very exciting.
So, what to take from this post?! Its a bit all over the place, I know, but thats me at the moment! Well I'd say to anyone reading, deal with the hard stuff but also know it's ok to let it go and move on, in fact its neccessary for your happiness. Take charge of your life. In any small way you can! Create stuff you are proud of! Work hard, know when to relax and mostly listen to your instincts. If something is telling you to work a lil harder now ready for something big and exciting coming your way, do it. Whaddya have to lose?!